Child Custody and Extracurricular Activities: A Co-Parent Guide

Last reviewed: October 22, 2026. This article is general information about US law, not legal advice. Laws change and every situation is different, so talk to a licensed attorney in your state about your own case.

You are looking at a registration form for travel soccer, and your co-parent has not answered your text. Do you need their agreement? Who pays? Who drives to Saturday games during their weekend? Activities are one of the most common sources of friction between separated parents, and most of it can be avoided with a clear plan.

Contents

• Who gets to decide
• Splitting activity costs
• Schedules and transportation
• Communicating about activities
• When you can’t agree
• FAQ

Who gets to decide

Start with your custody order or parenting plan. It controls. Most states separate two ideas:

• Legal custody or decision-making: the right to make major decisions for your child, such as education, health care and religion.
• Physical custody or parenting time: where the child lives and when.

Whether extracurricular activities count as a “major decision” depends on your state and your order. Illinois is a clear example. Its law lists four significant decision-making areas the court allocates: education, health, religion and extracurricular activities. The court can give each area to one parent or to both (750 ILCS 5/602.5). Each parent still makes routine decisions during their own parenting time.

Many orders also give both parents access to school and activity information. In Illinois, a parenting plan must address each parent’s right of access to records, including school and extracurricular records, reports and schedules, unless a court limits it (750 ILCS 5/602.10).

Splitting activity costs

Basic child support is meant to cover a child’s ordinary needs. Many states let courts add specific expenses on top. In Illinois, the court may, in its discretion, order either or both parents to contribute to “reasonable school and extracurricular activity expenses” intended to enhance the child’s educational, athletic, social or cultural development (750 ILCS 5/505). Other states handle activity costs differently, so check your guidelines and your order.

Parents who agree on a split usually choose one of two approaches:

• 50/50: simple and easy to track.
• Proportional to income: each parent pays their share of the combined income.

Before agreeing to an activity, talk through the full cost, not just registration: equipment, uniforms, tournament fees, travel, private lessons and camps. A clause that sets a dollar limit, requires written agreement before either parent commits shared money, and sets a deadline for reimbursement can prevent most money disputes.

Schedules and transportation

Practices and games do not follow your parenting schedule. Decide in advance how you will handle it. Common approaches:

• The parent with the child that day handles transportation and attendance.
• Each parent is responsible for certain activities or days.
• Parents trade time for a big event, such as a tournament weekend, and write the swap down.

A shared calendar, either a general calendar app or a co-parenting app, helps you keep practices, games, equipment needs and who is driving in one place. Update it as soon as schedules change.

If an activity would take a large share of one parent’s time, discuss it before enrolling. A judge deciding a later dispute may look at whether one parent used activities to cut into the other’s time.

Communicating about activities

Keep messages short, specific and focused on your child. Written messages also give you a record of what was agreed.

• Give the other parent a reasonable amount of time to respond, and share the real deadline.
• Keep receipts and confirmations for any shared expense.
• Ask your child what they want, in an age-appropriate way, but don’t make them choose between parents or carry messages.
• Keep disagreements away from your child.

When you can’t agree

Many disputes come down to cost, time, or how much is too much. Options that often help:

• Try one season. Agree to a trial period instead of a long commitment.
• Look for a middle option. A recreational league instead of a travel team, or fewer lessons.
• Use the dispute process in your plan. Many parenting plans require mediation before going back to court. In Illinois, a parenting plan must include a mediation provision for proposed changes to parenting time or responsibilities, unless one parent has all significant decision-making authority (750 ILCS 5/602.10).
• Ask the court. If nothing works, a judge can decide or clarify who has decision-making authority. An attorney can advise whether it is worth filing.

FAQ

Can one parent sign a child up for activities without the other’s consent?

It depends on your order. If you share decision-making on activities, enrolling without the other parent’s input may violate the order. If one parent has that authority, they can usually decide, though the other parent may not have to pay or give up parenting time.

Who pays for extracurricular activities after divorce?

Whatever your order or agreement says. Some states let courts add activity costs on top of basic child support. Illinois, for example, lets a court order either or both parents to contribute to reasonable extracurricular expenses.

Can a parent refuse to take the child to activities during their time?

Each parent generally makes routine decisions during their own parenting time, so the answer depends on your order and what was agreed. If missed activities become a pattern, mediation or a clearer written plan can help, and a court can address it if needed.

Can one parent stop the other from attending games?

Usually not, unless a court order such as a protective order limits contact. Public games and performances are typically open to both parents, but it helps to agree on how you will handle attending the same events.

Sources: 750 ILCS 5/602.5; 750 ILCS 5/602.10; 750 ILCS 5/505.